Today the group and I are going on a horseback ride to an Incan site (I know- why not llamas??). This may sound like fun, but everytime I think about it, I remember a good friend of mine who was injured when thrown off a horse. Someone who fought tooth and nail to get where they were, spend hours caring for their horse (who came from Bailey & Barnum's) only to be betrayed by an equuine foe. Well. Unlike my friend William Shatner, this girl isn't going to take any chances.
I YouTube'd videos on how to assert your dominence over a horse, and found a few helpful tips:
- Eye contact is more effective when the eyes actually touch
- Horses have no pain receptors in their mane, snout or genitals; don't be affraid to wail on these to get what you want
- Horses aren't dumb animals; a metal shiv held threateningly to the neck won't go unnoticed
- Rather than using the typical horse calls of "Woah!" or "Hi Ho Silver!" try some more modern language (e.g., "Let's bounce!" or "Move your f***** a** you inbred piece of s***!"
- Horses like to eat, and don't like to starve; use this to your advantage
Now, I'm probably just being a worry-butt. I'm sure it'll be fun, and I'll end up with a temporary infatuation with horses, and insist that I want one (Until we go to a pigmy-goat farm! Then I'll want one of thsoe!!) I think the thing that bugs me most, is that this is the one time I would be able to wear my cowboy boots, and look like a legit cowgirl. It's just not fair. I'd look sooooooo cute!!! See for yourselves in this dramatic rendition I did (it's not the best, but it took me a while so be nice!!)
Until next time,
.:Liv:.
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